By: M Monroe Casey
Introduction
“Sureeee… I’ll remember this project… I don’t need to write this down… way to go Monica… now, I’m going to be late! DISASTER!”
Monica Dancer turned the windowsill dial to 1981 Southern Scotland, Earth and sat down on Mt. Couch. Cal lay on the left half, little snake body taking his usual afternoon nap amongst the craziness.
“My hair is NOT going to be ready in time for tonight’s date AND I still got to do my nails… is this how CJ feels like all the time? Am I that dramatic? Nahhhh… But alright. 1980’s Scotland, should be a good time! That time and place seems so familiar… Why does that seem so familiar? I swear I have been hanging out in ‘time’s weird cousin’ for way too long…”
Shaking off the brief moment of pretending to know why that seemed familiar, Monica watched on as the unforgettably weird events then unfolded in front of her.
Scene 1
“I vant! I vant to throw! I vant to throw your birthday party!! And then! And then your funeral!”
In a whoosh of wind, he stood around eight feet in height towering over the Paranormal Enthusiast, Yandel. They are standing outside of the bathroom located in the SE outskirts of the Scottish Paranormal Convention, which is on the set of a new horror movie being filmed in a large and obviously haunted castle in the area. This creature stood in front of him in such a way that the pondering questions began to rush out of his brain. It has a multi-colored t-shirt with a long black cape hanging off its back. With red and black striped pants and huge red shoes. Above its shirt is a large hanging chain with a gold piece in the middle. It’s a smiley face. Its afro is bushy and blue colored with make-up covering the face. Heavy mascara and colour around the cheeks are what is visible in this impending darkness.
“What… are… you…?” Said the terrified Yandel.
“I! I am! I am the Vampire Clown!”
“Wait…what? Those are a thing?” Said the calming Yandel.
“Yesssss! Yessssss we are! Now! Now where are you going?” Said the energy charged clown.
“Ummm… I was exploring the castle. Do you live here or something?”
“I! I live here! I live here not. Instead! Instead I was buried here!” Said the vampire as it got closer to Yandel.
“So what? Are you like protecting your grave or something? Wait… So you are a clown and a vampire?”
“Yes! Yes, I am! Is! Is that! Is that so hard to understand?”
Standing in shock, the creature was looking at him as Yandel stood, unphased and almost getting angry with the scare at this point.
“Kinda. Like what were you first, a clown or a vampire?”
“Does it! Does it matter? I am! I am trying! I am trying to terrify you!”
“I suppose. I guess I could get scared by a vampire clown…”
“Excellent! Then I’ll make! I’ll make you scared! I’ll make you scared to death! Ha! Haha! Hahaha!”
Within a few feet, it stopped its ascent towards him and then pulled up its hood. Lowering its head, the monster is getting ready for what it’s about to do next. Yandel is slowly approaching the creature as it’s standing completely still.
“Are you okay?” Yandel said in a confused tone.
“I! I am! I am fine! But! But I can’t! But I can’t say that for you! Hear! Hear me now! Hear me now, all you need! All you need to know about me! All you need to know about me is my name…”
“What is your name?” Inquired Yandel.
“Ha! Haha! Hahaha! You would! You would like to know! You would like to know that, wouldn’t you…”
“Yes?”
“Say it! Say it, my name!” Yelled the undead clown creature.
“I don’t know what your name is!” Yandel got closer to the creature now. About a foot away and he lost his temper finally and is ready to put that one year of community theatre street fighting training to work. The vampire just stood there in the outdoor atrium, patiently waiting.
Wanting to punch on through and move on, Yandel cocked his fist back and aimed it towards where he thought the head of the creature was when a dead herring came up and slapped his punch away. As his punch fell to the ground, he stumbled forward and was quickly smacked across the face by the same herring. Confused and dazed, Yandel fell on his butt and stared directly at his enemy towering over him. Raising the cape up to the maelstrom of dark clouds forming above them, there was a swoosh and Yandel was gone. All that was heard in that mediaeval bathroom atrium was a scream and a loud honk-honk as a voice rang throughout the hallowed ground.
“I! I am! I am Count Chuck-Seh-Lot!”
Scene 2
“Oh no… I remember why this feels so familiar… I recognize that car… ”
With a light-hearted chuckle, Monica watched that all-too-familiar car drive down the Scottish countryside. That same car she rode in from her most unforgettable spring break trip yet.
“Bro! We are gonna be extras on a horror movie set!” Said the enthusiastic Jimmie.
“I know bro! This is definitely one of the coolest things I’ve ever done bro!” Replied his brother Timmie.
Jimmie drove their beat up car down those same hilly roads that they shared in that shared moment that is the shared experience of driving. Muffler hanging to the street but it was unlike their egos. Optimism hit home for the two fraternal twin brothers. With Jimmie’s blue sweatshirt and Timmie’s yellow shirt, they were ready for whatever adventures and craziness ensued up ahead. Sitting in the backseat was Veronica and Monica. Both of which were dressed in nearly identical red dresses except one had a small yellow stripe down the middle in the front and back. These were the twin sisters that they were on a spring break trip on with, with them all being fans of horror movies and their various “haunted” locations of filming. Unlike Timmie and Jimmie, Veronica and Monica are identical twins. Both are Biotechnology majors at Arizona Technical College at Phoenix while the young men are students at University of Arizona with Timmie majoring in Business Management and Jimmie is undecided. The two brothers met the two sisters at a local community theater production of some superhero plotline at the Phoenix Children’s Theatre. It was “love” at first sight except one problem, because they are identical and our young male protagonists are idiots, they can’t tell who is Monica and who is Veronica. Not to mention, they are horrible with a “constant” misuse of air quotes so “who” knows if “love” is even real between them or “at” all. As the four youths reached the movie set in front of them, most of that would soon become unimportant. Changing the gear to the stopping mechanism, they turned the key to the off position.
Reaching down to take a drink of soda, Jimmie knocked the steering wheel and heard a clicking noise. Putting down his RC Cola, he looked forward and saw they parked the parked car crooked in the parking spot.
“Ah man… gotta repark. One sec,” said the slightly less enthusiastic Jimmie.
Putting his key back in, it wouldn’t turn.
“You locked the steering wheel?” Commented his brother.
“What?”
“You locked the steering wheel.”
“I can do that?”
“Yeah. You locked it.”
“How’d that happen?”
“When you hit the steering wheel grabbing your Diet Coke…”
“It wasn’t Diet Coke. It was an RC Cola.”
“It was?”
“Yeah.”
“It was an RC?”
“Yeah.”
“An RC Cola?”
“Yeah.”
“Regular or Cherry?”
“Regular.”
“Ah nice.”
Yeah bro.”
“Where’d you get an RC Cola?”
“Gas station.” As Jimmie tried turning the wheel more.
“What gas station?”
“The one back in the city…”
“Really? And you didn’t get me one? I love RC.”
“I did. It’s in the trunk.”
“You did? Sweet.”
“Yeah bro. I got you. You don’t like Diet Coke, right?”
“Yeah. Got a weird taste, you know?”
“Yeah. I got you.”
“Just don’t like how it fizzes, you know?”
“What?”
“I don’t like how it fizzes.”
“It fizzes? All soda fizzes…”
“Yeah. It fizzes all weird. Don’t like it.”
“Why?”
“Cause I don’t like that.”
“Ah. Well… I just got you the RC. Don’t worry bout the fizzy.”
“Awesome bro. Thanks. You just gotta hit the brake pedal and turn the wheel…”
“What?”
“You gotta hit the brake pedal and then turn the wheel…”
“Okay. So which is first?”
“Hit the brake pedal.”
“Okay. Got it.”
“Then turn the wheel.”
“Okay… still not working.”
“Okay. Well… hold down the brake pedal.”
“Okay. Doing that.”
“Now… turn the wheel.”
“Left or right?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes. Left or right?”
“Try left.”
“Alright. One sec.”
Turning the wheel to the left, nothing happened. All the while, the steering wheel debacle proved to not be worthy of waking them up, the snoring of Veronica and Monica filled the silence of the vehicle.
“Alright. Well… try the other direction.”
“Right?”
“No. The other other direction.”
“Sarcasm isn’t helping the situation bro. It’s like 6th grade Flag Football all over again.”
“It’s nothing like that. You completely overreacted.”
“Ridiculous bro. I never do that.”
“Yeah. Yeah you do bro. You seriously don’t remember the brotastic 5th grade chess team?”
“Whatever bro. I do what I do bro.”
“Just keeping it real bro.”
“Whatever bro. So, turn to the right?”
“Yeah bro. The right.”
“Okay bro.”
Turning the wheel to the right, a similar clicking noise was heard and it unlocked finally. Jimmie turned his key and backed the car back up with the brake pads squealing all the way. Reparking it and then waking up the girls, they all emerged from the vehicle with smiles and optimism abound. Unbeknownst to them, the nearby castle that they quested for all this time had a window on the third floor, second room from the western end which housed something. Something with two unwavering undead eyes that was watching the four of them as they approached those giant castle doors and knocked on them. Two eyes and one giggling soul. Or lack thereof and just as those soulless eyes watched them, she watched the windowsill, still waiting for her hair to dry. Ready to move onto the fingernails after, she was going to get ready for this date and not a second of having to watch these lovable weirdos was going to stop her.
Scene 3
The door creaked open as the four car-travelled individuals stood outside. In no particular order, yet conveniently standing from tallest to shortest, stood Monica, Veronica, Jimmie and Timmie on that green fluffy lawn as a voice amongst the darkness greeted them.
“Well… HOWDY THERE!”
With a look of shock upon their faces, they gazed upon the creature that opened the door to their utmost and deepest desires, well kinda. A 5’8” blonde haired man with a purple Hawaiian shirt, short grey joggers and cowboy hat upon his cranium. None of the clothes sat terribly awkwardly though, because underneath that cowboy hat sat a body that didn’t fit the high-pitched prospector voice that greeted them. A strong figure with great morals welcomed them into the Castle.
As they walked into the front parlour, the cowboy introduced themselves in the same jarring yet somehow satisfying and calm voice.
“How y’all do? My name is Quinn Quintessentiali and I live here in this here Castle. I’m sure y’all are here to be extras on that rowdy movie set, hear me?”
After quietly and respectfully clearing his throat, Jimmie replied to his host.
“Yes good sir. We are the four members of the University age that are here for some dreams to come true and some general hysterics, I imagine given our age and mental cognitive states.”
“Well… y’all… he is using some of that fancy city and dangerously close to being offensive jargon and as a steroid ridden and stereotyped cowboy, I don’t use that flowery language, y’all hear?”
“My most sincere and deepest apologies, my good sir. I mean not to offend your country’s sensibilities. It’s just the vernacular and word choice that I was taught in my dearest Mother’s summer cottage. I know not to feel above my fellow “bud” of the people. Just how I express the inner reaches of the soul and how I add my own collection of beef, onions, carrots, broth and potatoes to the world’s stew. But I do say that we are tired from our journey here and the lady here to my left really has to gently attend the washroom. Are you the gentleman who will show us to our quarters?”
As Quinn studied the four newest members of the Castle, he then replied.
“Yee hah partner. I know these parts like the back of my hand. Now, if y’all follow in a straight line holding hands to be safe, with your field trip buddy of course, we can find your way outta some riffraff that we might encounter. Alrighty y’all, let’s hit that old roommate based trail and maybe even wrangle up some fun, y’all hear what y’all hear?”
Getting in no particular order, yet conveniently in order of when each of them acquired braces for their juvenile teeth, they moved down the hallway. Holding each other’s hand in a single file order, it went Quinn, Jimmie, Monica, Timmie and Veronica. Passing room after room and bizarre painting after weird self portraits of Quinn in various costumes from his youth and adulthood, they stopped for a second so Monica could hit the bathroom. Standing around awkwardly, the four of them uttered less than a few words, with a few coughs to fill the silence. With a sigh of relief, Monica emerged from the bathroom and they proceeded down the hallway, hands holding others.
Stopping in front of an oak door with an iron trimmed edge and a brass doorknob, they all stood, still holding hands for some reason.
“Here we are y’all. We got two rooms in this here Castle for y’all. So divide up evenly. House rule. Whatcha say when y’all heard me?”
A confused Monica chimed in.
“Wait… what’s a house rule?”
A tired Timmie replied as Quinn began walking off into the darkness ahead, frantically checking his watch and muttering how he can’t be late in arriving to his room for the night.
“Our good sire is referring to the house rule wherein this Castle, there is an even quotient per room, as per the travel reference guide Page 23, subsection A from the 2014 edition edited by Sir James Edinburgh. Which I believe is to be the highest peer reviewed rated piece of travel based literature of its time, if I’m not mistaken.”
Jimmie chimed in as well in the answer of Monica’s query.
“Yes, my fellow scholar is correct, the subsection states that in this residence, we must have an even number of cohabitation in each room for it has some scholastic and moral standards with the owner of this residential establishment.”
Then Veronica saw her opening and interrupted her sister and friends.
“… But as long as the rooms are even, we can switch beds, right?”
Timmie answered the question with an enthusiastic response.
“Why yes we can, ole chum. It will still be the bee’s knees! There is no bylaw in the reference book that states that can’t be done. So, why don’t we just stay with our immediate family for the moment and then we can discuss this over a rousing round of Chinese Checkers downstairs around the fire of the community room. For it will be a great night of games, poetry and ghost stories around the flames. A roaring sentiment to this age that we are in our youthful state, eh?”
Jimmie announced his agreement to his brother’s sentiment.
“A smashing idea my brother. Meet up down there in 10 clicks of the minute hand?”
With a smile upon her face, Monica agreed.
“Sure! See you two crazy kids in a few. I gotta go freshen up.. make sure you look your best guys. Arizona pride, eh?”
“Absolutely! Going to be quite the party. Then tomorrow, we shall explore the lands and see just what the cat’s pyjamas are. Until then, time to change into my lounging slacks and then my pyjamas. Oh my… see my word play there. I sure do love to jest. It is truly time for this young gentleman to gently sip on some brandy and let loose with the stars above singing a medley of time’s sweetest passing. See you soon, my fair maidens.”
As Jimmie and Timmie went to the room on the left, Room 206, Monica and Veronica went to the right, Room 208. With a giggle being heard from both rooms as their doors closed, the solid oak doors latched. Closing with them inside their rooms for the first time, but most definitely not the last. For on this day, roughly 3 hours past Apollo’s daily passing, the cohabitation has only just begun.
Scene 4
With her hair fully dried, the hut-dwelling Monica then reached for her dark pink nail polish and started on the right hand. No matter what her sister could and would say, her methodology isn’t crazy. She started from the pinkie on the right hand and then worked back towards the pinkie on the left and that is a hill she will defend, tooth and nail. A pun she has made many times. Looking back to the windowsill, she saw the early moments of a night that could forever only be described as “like hella goofy but amazing…”
It was nighttime in Castle Johnson and everyone was sleeping in their cotton sheets, except for Timmie, who requested a felt sheet given his allergy. He shared the standard issue eighty square foot room with Veronica while Monica was residing with Jimmie in the room next door. Down the hallway, snores were heard throughout as they all were sleeping blissfully, even the most rootin-tootin cowboy, Quinn.
Quinn and his immediate roommate, Tom Bradley, a wide-eyed and young entrepreneur who wholeheartedly believes in the idea, Meat Pocket. This idea, which has been described in intensive detail to everyone from his hometown of Chattanooga, Tennessee all the way to his favourite vacation spot in Greeley, Colorado, is truly something special. It is a whole pocket that is designed in one’s pants that is meant for the portable storage and use of meat based products and edibles on-the-go. You can place chicken, meatballs, small tacos or sloppy joe meat, etc. in it and keep it both sanitary and heated. But, not even Tom’s passion staved off sleep’s oncoming.
All were asleep in this particular establishment except for one, eager soul. Monica Dancer was awake for one reason and one reason alone, bathroom time. As she slipped on her brown slippers and yellow smock, Monica emerged into the hallway and proceeded to the left towards the bathroom further away. Yes, the one on the right was a few hundred feet closer but it lacked a certain charisma and scented candles that Monica just adored. A few days ago, she discovered those candles at a local shop and fell in love. Seeing them again in the travel brochure, she had to see if the legends were true and they were actually in that epic and sought after washroom.
Opening the door to the room, the air couldn’t enter her lungs fast enough as she gasped a happy gasp. As the restroom door closed behind her, she was there with one of her main goals of this entire trip. Truth be told, she honestly didn’t care too much for horror or scary movies, she just wanted to travel to Scotland with some friend-zoned boys and if she could hang out with them and her sister then she’d be happy. But on a serious note, like her sister, she couldn’t tell the difference in the brothers. She never liked them that way but hey, this seemed like fun. It wasn’t and never will be love. They couldn’t even tell her which her favourite Commander deck is in Magic, the Gathering or why Peach Snapple is the best Snapple. So no, she didn’t love either of those interesting fools. There was another though. She knew exactly what it was in those brief moments that they shared together. Love.
Monica deeply, madly, sweetly and wholeheartedly loved a girl that she met back home. A certain blonde haired beautiful woman that stole Monica’s heart when she was younger. So much so that she had a picture of the two of them in a river gorge in Oregon with a heart around their faces, stashed away in her wallet. Two letters dotted the edges of the beloved image, CJ.
But as much as she wanted to see her love’s face again someday, the younger Monica was staring straight ahead at her utmost desire at this moment, the freshly scented lilac candle on the windowsill. Taking her time in the scented bliss, she washed her hands and then proceeded out. Closing the door, she began heading back to the room which she shared with a young man born in Chandler, Arizona. Purely, so her sister could stay with her budding interest, Timmie, also from Chandler, Arizona.
As left foot followed the right, she stopped on her quest of being reunited in friendly cohabitation with Jimmie by a figure standing in her way. Standing at 6’11” and wearing a black suit coat, black suit pants and golden tie. In the dimly lit hallway, in which residents regularly stub their toes in the weirdly dark space, Monica inquired upon their identity and purpose in this particular meeting.
“Hello?”
A soft spoken and calming voice responded in the space shared.
“You must be one of the new guests. Welcome to Castle Johnson. I’m the groundskeeper and roommate of the Count, June Seventh.”
“Who’s the Count?”
“The Count is the Roommate. He is the Roommate to us all.”
“Okay?”
“He is the one who built this place. You’ll meet him soon enough as you and him begin an eternal friendship… forever and ever.”
“Ummm… yeah. We are just scheduled for a short trip… I gotta get back to class in like five days…”
“… He is the… Roommate. The Roommate to us all.”
“Okay… well… this has been nice and informative but I’m… gonna get going… see you… hopefully never again… Have fun with everything, live well and umm… goodbye.”
As Monica continued on her journey, the towering suited figure stood in place, still muttering about the Count.
“… The Roommate to us all. Soon… they will know his voice. Soon… they will know his laugh… Roommate… to us all…”
Reaching her room finally, Monica closed the door first and then laid down. Closing her eyes, she was trying to sleep after hearing what she just heard. This unsuccessful attempt at sleep was halted by an idea that kept flooring circles faster than Jimmie Johnson.
Who were these Count and June people and why do they want to keep them here? Looks like tomorrow is about to have a whole new mission. Explore the grounds like the boys mentioned and in the process, try to figure out just what is going on in the ten thousand square foot maze that is Castle Johnson.
Finishing up her left-hand nails with the same dark pink shade, Monica watched her younger self question everything and then fall asleep in that cold Castle. Chuckling because she knew what was coming next, she now had her nails finished, hair done and only needed her wash to finish so she could dry her last outfit for the night-out. Waiting and watching the events on the windowsill, her eagerness only grew.
Scene 5
The cold magnesium sat on his fingertips as Timmie held the doorknob in his grasp. He could feel the metal sit firmly as he was about to go back to class and see his friends once more. Smoltification class was almost in session and he was so ready to get back to studying those salmon! Turning the knob and pulling towards himself, the eager student, a door to the room in the basement of Castle Johnson opened.
As Timmie’s sleepwalking self opened the door, a chuckle was heard in the background as a shadow hung over him. Still in their “first ” night at the Castle, only a few moments after Monica’s bathroom grand adventure, the small group was given one main instruction. Do not go into the basement.
With a burst of speed, the other three quarters of the friend group burst into the basement hallway, trying to find their fourth.
“Timmie! What are you doing?”
Veronica ran up to him and tackled the young Arizonan to the ground as the door slowly opened up to the outside world. A tired and confused Timmie shook off his fellow human and addressed the situation.
“WHAT!!!!! Holy crap. Sorry, I was totally sleepwalking… wait… did I open that door? This totes smells like a basement…”
An angry and tired Jimmie then addressed the situation.
“Yeah… you idiot. What are you doing down here?”
“I thought I was going to Smoltification class… wait… I gotta check if I am still sleeping… as of 2019, how many World Series titles do the Los Angeles Dodgers have?”
Being the biggest Dodger fan in the room, Monica immediately responded.
“Six.”
“Excellent. I’m awake… wait… who’s that?”
Behind the group, the hooded shadow sat with a chuckle still going. As the hood raised up to the sky, clown paint was faintly seen in the darkness by Jimmie who sat closest to this mysterious figure.
“I! I have! I have a question for you!”
Staring directly at it, with a look on her face that could only be described as “complete and utter confusion to the max,” Monica replied to the painted face of the shadow.
“Okay?”
“Who! Who was! Who was the other! Who was the other team that moved! Who was the other team that moved out to California! Who was the other team that moved out to California, from New York, with the Dodgers?
Again, in an instant, Monica responded with an intensity.
“The San Francisco Giants.”
“Well! Well played! Well played my dear! You! You are! You are smart! You are very smart indeed! But you! You all! You all stepped into somewhere! You all stepped into somewhere you shouldn’t! Now! Now be punished! For! For this is my Castle!”
“Wait… you are the Count? The Roommate to us all? Like who June was talking about?”
“Yes! I! I am! I am Count Chuck-Se-Lot!”
“I’m so confused…”
“June didn’t! June didn’t tell you everything? I! I am the Count! Roommate! Roommate to the stars!”
“Why do you talk like that?”
“Unimportant!”
“Okay?”
“But! But this is! But this is important! You’ll be! You’ll be sad! You’ll be sad to hear this! Now! Now, you get! Now, you get a permanent! Now, you get a permanent room reassignment! Welcome! Welcome to! Welcome to the basement forever!
As the Count raised both hands into the air above his head in a dramatic fashion, a fist extended through the darkness and connected into the Count’s unprotected throat region. As the all-powerful roommate buckled to the floor, a gray faced old man emerged from the door that Timmie opened from its once unopened existence.
“Wait! Wait… what did you do to me? My beautiful voice and perfectly timed speaking pattern… YOU RUINED IT! Oh my… I can’t even…”
With a flushed look underneath the white paint, the Count then passed out in the hallway. Looking over to the new person, they analysed their temporary saviour. He was dressed in a yellow suit coat with brown pants and a top hat.
“You will do nothing of the sort my Count… I will not have this, if my name is not JOSEF VON BRAUER!”
“Is it?”
Josef looked over at the group in the hallway with a confused look on his face.
“Huh?”
Jimmie offered his confused comment to the new player in the game, “You said if your name isn’t JOSEF VON BRAUER, well… is it?”
“Yes.”
“Ah neat! So… next question. Who are you and what’s going on here?”
“Well… like I said… My name is JOSEF VON BRAUER and I came here as a paranormal site enthusiast a long time ago and never have left…”
A scared Veronica replied to the lessening tension, “why… haven’t you… left?
“I would have. If I knew when I arrived or how to leave… it’s hard to know if my reservation is up or not. Can’t get my deposit back if I leave early…”
“Wait… how do you not know when you arrived?” Replied Veronica.
“Time and space move a lot differently here in Castle Johnson and that’s the way that he likes it… the Roommate to us all. He never had a roommate throughout his youth and young adulthood so now… we must all be his roommates… an eternal supply of roommates where they stay, slowly made unaware of the world outside of the four walls, before they pass on and then new ones are found. The last four left so then you all came…”
“That’s horrible! So he’s been holding all these people here against their wills and farming friends? That’s horrible!” Replied the astounded Dancer twin.
“Yes it is, like totally horrible and that’s not completely true… one of these people is not who they say they are… they are the legitimate First Roommate. A dark and tainted soul who is conspiring with the Count… their identity is a mystery… all are suspects…”
A skeptical Jimmie interjected into the dialogue, “well… we know that it’s none of us… like it can’t be us four… Like one… two… three… four… the number between three and five. Two times two. One plus three. Sixteen divided by four. Thirty-eight minus thirty-four… Four.”
“What did I just tell you! Laws of time and space don’t exist in this haunted ground. You could have come a few hours ago or a few years ago… there is no knowing. One of you could have been here first… the original… You gotta question everyone and find out who is lying… maybe a creative competition of sorts would work… or might turn into a brawl… either way, I won’t be here for it… it seems this is my end, if my name isn’t JOSEF VON BRAUER!”
Stopping mid-sentence, they all looked down at his well-manicured feet to see what spelled doom for this once inter-generational Bboy champion. The cracks in the wood floors began to spread as JOSEF VON BRAUER’s footing was slowly leaving him and with a smile upon his face, the floor gave way and he fell through the basement, into the chasm below.
The group all turned away, softly yelling to the unconscious Count and empty space around them.
“NO!!!!”
A voice resounded from the chasm, slowly getting quieter.
“JOSEF VON BRAUER says goodbye and good luck… Also, by the way, the first and only clue that I solved said the First Roommate is someone without a twin… So, I guess it can’t be any of you… JOSEF VON BRAUER will… NEVER… TRULY… dddddiiiieeeee!!!!!!!“
In the basement, they stood as the four of them, trying to understand everything that became their new reality, or lack thereof. Monica stared off into darkness ahead and down the hall as she called the next shot.
“We need to figure out how to stay… We need to help solve… WHAT! NO!”
Before she could finish her sentence, the ground beneath them began to fade away as well. But instead of some dark hole in which JOSEF VON BRAUER fell down, it was just their rooms from before. As the two pairings in each room looked around, they saw a note on the mirror next to their packed luggage. Each room then began reading the note aloud at that moment.
“Due to a minor clerical error, we failed to identify that you are not simply just sibling sets but twins. The clear and oddly specific magical laws of Castle Johnson prohibit us from splitting up twin-sets to room with the Count. Your deposits are being refunded and thank you for your stay. We hope you find a room in one of our other locations most hospitable. Please rate us five stars and enjoy the complimentary treats packed in your bags. Goodbye!”
With a blinding flash of a vomit-shaded green light, the four Arizonans were instantly removed from that mediaeval maze and away from the other mysterious inhabitants who slept through the night. Assuming they slept and did other stuff since the early 80’s, Monica then just adjusted the time dial for forty-one years and five minutes later from when she and her friends were removed from the premises. Now, with it showing 2022 Castle Johnson, Scotland, Earth, it was once more a pair of headlights that shone upon those large wooden doors. But this time, a single soul hopped out of the backseat. Smiling while watching the windowsill, one word escapes Monica’s vocal chords as she knows exactly who this is.
“Yes…”
An eight-year-old Canadian soul, who is honestly such a delightful and irreplaceable handful she probably counts as four souls, has arrived. Walking up to the door, her diva walk in tow, Heldum Luisa knocked upon the door with an unforgettable style, grace and demand. As June Seventh opens the door with her usual “fun” demeanour and banter about how the Count is a “Roommate to us all,” Heldum responds.
“Awesome! Hi! I’m Heldum! I’m from Calgary! That’s in Alberta! I have two sisters, KJ and Baleigh! Do you have sisters? Where are you from? I like your suit, where did you get it? Why a gold tie? Why not a silver tie? Wait… where are you going? Can I come in?”
As the questions kept coming, June cautiously and quickly retreated back through the Castle doors as Heldum followed her in. Still talking. Smiling at what this project is turning into and where the Castle Johnson videos are headed, Monica then turned the dials back to 1981 but now in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Earth to be reminded of how her time there all played out and why she’ll never ever forget it.
Scene 6
The slightly younger Monica was slightly moving up the slight incline. Her misshapen tree bark brown hair is stiff and unwavering in the March wind. It was another long night working long hours as a waitress in the southeastern suburbs of Calgary. After refusing to go back to university after Castle Johnson, she spent a few months exploring the southwest of the United States before deciding that a complete change was needed. Timmie, Jimmie and Veronica went back to school after their eight months in the weirdness and she felt aimless. It was her usual walk home through the business parks of 114th Ave SE and the cold winter’s blow was doing the trick. She was beginning to forget the heartbreak until ahead, her heart sank once more. Passing a small family dance studio, she saw a little boy blowing out his birthday candles on that Saturday morning and was reminded once more that CJ still hasn’t been back since Oregon. Her make-shift family was split up and now, she hasn’t seen CJ’s face in over a year. All she had was just some written letters after the insanity of the Castle, one every other month. With tears quickly growing in both eyes, she kept walking and was completely unaware of the sunshine hair shaded goddess that stood behind her, almost on queue.
“Sorry for not being around for a bit. I was just doing some redecorating…”
“CJ!!!!!!!!!!”
Turning around, a cheesy smile from cheek to cheek sat on Monica’s face. A face that then turned to a scowl, as her arms crossed across her chest, just about as fast only seconds later.
“You know… you are kinda a jerk… Next time, please tell me if you aren’t going to be around for a while…”
“You are 100% correct and it’s totally my fault… I was saving worlds over here and like over there… but I’m here now and I don’t think that should be a problem going forward… I got something… for… you!!!!”
“I guess that’s a legitimate excuse but would it kill you to send a few more letters? Maybe a photo too? I was worried… and what do you mean?”
“I know and I’m sorry but just close your eyes…”
While Monica listened, CJ walked up to her and got real close, her forehead only a few centimetres from Monica’s. Noses touching. Her mid-back length blonde hair moved in the Canadian winds, almost enveloping them both like a cocoon. Standing on that street, Monica’s heart was both content and excited once more and all of those feelings from Oregon began to come sweeping back. In a frozen moment, they both stood in each other’s immediate space, a smile radiating from the inside on out.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
Standing for a few minutes, a warm glow began to overtake them both. Monica and CJ. CJ and Monica. It was weird, with CJ, time seemed to almost stop. But after a few minutes, Monica’s mind did begin to move and she asked a simple question then.
“This is nice and all, CJ but like, why are my eyes closed?”
“Whoops… you can open them now!”
As Monica’s hazel eyes met CJ’s blue ones, she then looked down to see CJ holding in her left hand, a dark grey stone with a bright and hot pink open-faced laughing face crushed into it.
“You want to move in? Live with me and Tadala?”
“Seriously?! That’s what you were redecorating for? Me? YES! A thousand times, YES!”
“Awesome!!!!! Oh, so… this is the Laugh of the World. It’s your key.”
With the backdrop behind Monica’s head slowly becoming the sunrise emerging through the cotton-candy and orange juice shaded clouds of the distance, she then grabbed the Laugh of the World out of her lover’s hand and put her arms around the back of CJ’s neck. Leaning in, Monica kissed CJ. With their lips engaged, she passionately and lovingly finally kissed her once again. A kiss that she had been waiting on for what seemed like centuries, a time that was virtually meaningless to her other half. Finally ending it, CJ reached out and held Monica’s forearms as they stood, still noses touching. As Monica clenched the key in her palm, she tried to contain the happy nerves that coursed through her body.
“Alright, my heart-fule, shall we?”
“We shall. I will walk with you anywhere, Ms. Dancer.”
Putting the Laugh in her pocket, Monica’s right hand grabbed CJ’s left as their fingers interlocked. Walking towards an open portal ahead, Monica announced as they almost entered the magical surface.
“Crap… I should probably turn in two weeks’ notice and pack up my apartment… Tell my sister, Timmie, Jimmie, other friends and parents… Let my roommates know, especially Randa Rohnson since she was my First Roommate, and maybe eat up the rest of the food in the freezer…”
“Yeah, we can do that. Anything else you need? I mean, we can basically teleport anywhere or anytime in the universe but it would be nice to condense trips and all… Oh, side note, are you going back to school? You totally can but I got this brand new Windowsill model that lets you watch things from different places and times and I was wondering if you could help your wonderful and amazing love and you know, watch some stuff for me and let me know how the worlds are doing… it’s just been really hard to watch this one REALLY ACTION-HEAVY timeline with these total bros Hagro and Augustin…”
“I was thinking of going back to school at a distance but I can totally do that for you but I’m probably going to design our guest room while doing so or something… I kind of don’t want to become a ‘house partner,’ but I can help you, yes. Ohhhhh… hmmm… also, how would you feel about a pet snake?”
“Deal. Snakes are cool. I’m thinking of a cobra named Cal?”
“Sounds great! Oh, CJ?”
“Yeah?”
Stopping for a second, CJ and Monica’s gaze met together as Monica leaned in and kissed her once more. As they held each other’s forearms, the heart-fules spent a few more seconds reconnecting on Monica’s commute home.
“Let’s go. Oh, and I’m not mad at you anymore but I do expect some sort of delicious food…”
“You know I’m always down for that…”
“Hella tight.”
With the portal closed, Monica then walked over from Mt. Couch, turned off the Windowsill once more and ventured to the bedroom. After changing for bed, she updated her seashell-decorated journal with a quick note about the last video she wanted to watch before the highly anticipated date night tomorrow. Laying down on her usual left side of the bed, she turned off the light. Promptly nuzzling her face in CJ’s upper back, she quietly affirmed something before falling asleep. Something that she has known to be true since the very first moment they met on that beach, all those years ago.
“I love you.”
The End
Castle Johnson Publishings 